The Courage to Try
Fighting Perfectionism, Imposter Syndrome, and the Myth of the Finished Product
“I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.” Michael Jordan
I have a confession to make.
I have a folder full of unfinished research papers and half-written conference abstracts on my computer desktop that I believe are simply not good enough to share.
Maybe you’ve been there too.
Have you ever felt afraid to share your research ideas or submit to that journal? Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the constant stream of publications in your field, watching colleagues’ achievements float down your social media feed, burying your list of seemingly insignificant research goals?
You draft a few paragraphs of what you think is brilliant analysis, only to delete everything an hour later and start all over. You devote weeks to developing a conference proposal, only to hide it in your drafts folder, afraid that it’s not groundbreaking enough to submit.
Fortunately, there is a way to banish your inner critic for good and reclaim control over your academic story and scholarly agenda. You don’t have to allow fear to dictate which scholarly goals you accomplish.
Do you want to become an academic superhero?
Warning Signs that Your Inner Critic is Winning
When I was a kid, I loved drawing pictures of the Incredible Hulk.
I was fascinated by his ability to transform into something superhuman and powerful. However, I was also intrigued that Bruce Banner lived in constant fear, desperately trying to tame his inner beast (in fact, I wrote a poem about it here).
Sometimes our inner critic—the voice inside that reminds us of all the reasons we are not good enough—is like the Incredible Hulk. He emerges when we least expect it, when things are finally starting to get better. As soon as we are about to submit that paper or apply for that fellowship, our inner critic bursts onto the scene and roars,
“Hulk smash!”
And under that rage, is immense fear. Fortunately, we don’t turn green and destroy everything in sight, but that also means we have to become more vigilant of our emotions and internal dialogue.
How do you know when fear is preventing you from accomplishing your goals?
Here are 3 warning signs that your inner critic is taking over.
1. You constantly compare yourself to others instead of appreciating your progress and celebrating your unique journey.
Your inner critic says,
“I should publish more papers like that scholar in my department. I should have more citations by now like my graduate school classmate. I should at least have a book contract by now. Look at how much better everyone else’s CV looks.”
2. You struggle to complete projects because you set unattainable and unrealistic goals fueled by perfectionism.
Your inner critic says,
“This research is not significant enough to publish. I need more data before this is ready. This will only contribute a small piece to the field, I need something with greater impact.”
3. You mentally rehearse every negative comment ever voiced by advisors, reviewers, or students when things get tough.
Your inner critic says,
“Maybe academia is not for you. Are you sure you can handle the job market? Have you considered alternative careers? Why don’t you sleep on that submission? Is this really your calling?”
The Simple Truth About Being an Academic Superhero
What I love most about the Incredible Hulk is that even though so many people viewed him as a villain, time and time again he decided that he was a superhero.
In fact, we can say the same thing about Superman, Spiderman, and Batman (my favorite!) too. Many people did not recognize their unique gifts and some even labeled them as villains or monsters, but they chose to view themselves as heroes and it transformed their actions.
The way you identify your academic narrative will impact your future.
When you understand the value in your unique perspective and identify how you can use your scholarly gifts to serve others, it becomes easier to establish clear goals and work towards your academic dreams.
The problem is that we have bought into the fallacy of a single story. Everything must be planned out before we get started. We cannot veer from the proven academic path.
This is both scary and paralyzing.
The truth is that our scholarly story is constantly evolving. The power of our academic journey lies in the process of discovery, not in the final tenure decision.
You become a scholar by getting up each day and engaging with ideas, not by publishing in the most prestigious journal in your field. You become a researcher by getting up each day and pursuing questions that fascinate you, not by winning the most competitive grants.
You become a teacher by getting up each day and sharing your knowledge with students, not by winning a teaching award.
You will never become the scholar you hope to be, until you decide that you are.
3 Powerful Steps to Begin Rewriting Your Academic Future
A strong sense of scholarly identity is important to connecting with your field and finding fulfillment in your work. We all want to be respected and esteemed by our academic peers.
But you can’t esteem yourself, much less build scholarly self-confidence, if you don’t know who you are as a researcher and writer. Your inner critic already has an academic future in mind for you. But you can write a different story.
So who are you as a scholar and what do you plan to become?
Saying it out loud is not enough. You have to go deeper. You must literally visualize the steps it will take to achieve your research goals in order to rewrite your academic future.
Let me explain the process in 3 steps.
Step 1. Visualize the journey.
By forming a mental picture of the scholar you desire to be and visualizing the steps it will take to get there, you subconsciously build confidence in that vision of your academic future self. You become less afraid of rejection and more confident in the realistic possibility of achieving scholarly goals through persistent work.
Wait a minute, you’re saying.
This is starting to get all touchy feely. Let me be clear, this is not about lofty academic dreams and vision boards. Yes, your success requires faith. But this visualization exercise is also grounded in scientific research.
In Thinking, Fast and Slow, Nobel Prize-winning economist Daniel Kahneman explains that we know far less about ourselves and how our minds work than we think we do. What we do know, through proven research, is that ideas are connected in a vast network in our mind called associative memory.
When we activate an idea in our mind, it activates many other connected ideas, some of which are hidden from our conscious selves. Because of these connections, words and ideas have the power to inspire future thoughts, which is known as the priming effect. And these thoughts and ideas have the ability to influence action, called the ideomotor effect.
Simply, if you are primed to think in a certain way, you begin to act in ways that reinforce those thoughts.
Don’t believe me? Let’s do a quick exercise.
Think about failing at an academic goal you have set for yourself. Your paper was rejected. You tried your best, but the conference presentation went horribly.
You should be ashamed of your research. Your advisor is disappointed.
Now consider the ambiguous 4 letter word fragments W _ _ H and S _ _ P.
People who were recently asked to think of an action that evoked feelings of shame are more likely to associate those word fragments with WASH and SOAP and less likely to see WISH and SOUP.
Studies suggest that feelings of shame and defeat trigger a desire to cleanse one’s body, an impulse referred to as the Lady Macbeth Effect. Your thoughts and ideas trigger the way you perceive future academic opportunities.
We can see this in academia too.
If you live in a scholarly culture that surrounds you with constant reminders of competition and scarcity, these ideas may shape your thoughts over time and ultimately, influence your behavior and attitude in conscious and unconscious ways. Your academic actions will reflect this mindset.
Step 2. Write your possibilities.
Describe in bold detail what you see in your scholarly mind.
What research will you pursue?
Where will you present your work?
Whose lives will your scholarship touch?
Write it down. Explain the steps it will take to get there.
Ironically, by doing this you may begin to discover pathways and opportunities in your current academic network that you did not notice before. Strategies to begin taking small steps towards your research goals may already be available to you.
Step 3. Begin living the future as your present.
After identifying your scholarly future story and writing down in vivid detail how you plan to get there, flip the script.
Rewrite your academic narrative in present tense.
Decide that you already are the scholar you dream of becoming.
The world simply doesn’t know it yet.
Where should you begin?
Overcoming your inner critic is not easy.
It’s hard to know where to begin and it’s challenging to overcome the negative voices that have infiltrated our thoughts over years of academic training. Sometimes our scholarly dreams are too small because, quite frankly, we are capable of much more than we believe.
But the important point is that you begin.
Set a small academic goal, visualize it, write it, claim it and work towards it daily. It could be getting the courage to submit your first journal article.
What matters is that you take the first step.
You don’t become an academic superhero by publishing in the most prestigious journal in your field on your first try.
You become a scholarly superhero by showing up every day to your research, by sharing your intellectual gifts with others, and by deciding that you deserve to be called a scholar.
Becoming Full,
P.S. As always, thank you for reading this week’s issue of The Tenure Track. If you found this article helpful, share it with a friend. If it moved you, consider supporting with a paid subscription or buying me a coffee. Together, let’s continue to build a supportive and creative academic community.
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In a system that incentivizes lengthy CV's full of publications and awards, it really does take courage to forge new paths of showing up differently... but it's exciting to imagine what academia could look like with a lot more of us holding the effort over perfectionism mindset!